Sit down.
Why don't you put on some music?
Uh-uh. Slower.
Just relax.
And watch.
This looks good.
Set it up, tie it at the bottom.
- Tommy, go. - Here come the bug man.
Excuse me.
Hey, what's going on, player?
Get the bugs out Gonna get the bugs out
What the hell are you doing? - Oh, pest control, player.
- Don't tell me you didn't get the notice. - What notice?
That's what burn my ass to the bone, a brother just trying to make a living...
You know what? That's beside the point.
If you had gotten your notice, you'd realize the city has a new ordinance...
...saying I gotta spray businesses catering to foreigners.
How come?
The foreigners are bringing over them scary-ass foreign bugs, man.
They coming here in their luggage. It's my job to prevent possible infestation...
...and contamination. That's my job. - We doing business inside.
I can't let you come and hose the place with bug spray.
Maybe you need to talk to your manager about that plan because that's my job.
- Manager's busy. - Okay, that's your call.
That is your call, player.
But just remember this.
First thing tomorrow morning...
...the city...
...they'll send their quarantine people. - Quarantine people?
They gonna shut you down. Non-compliance.
Wait, wait, wait. Hold on.
Hold, man, come here. Let me talk to you for a minute.
- You ain't fucking with me, are you? - What?
See that little motherfucker up there?
That's me. That's me.
I am a licensed exterminator, man. Why I gotta fuck with you?
Look. Come here. Let's do this.
You take me to a small place. Small room. Office or something.
Someplace upstairs, away from the customers.
That way when I set these bombs off, the fumes, they don't go down there.
And then we come back later and fix the rest. All right?
- Okay. Get a couple bombs. Come on. - That's what I'm talking about.
You don't wanna be bit by one of these motherfuckers.
Swell you up all around the neck. Look like Oprah. Come on, get the door.
You know, some of these bugs they got E. coli and Mad Cow disease.
Check this shit out. Is this Jackie Chan's office?
Oh, snap!
Man, you got a Jacuzzi?
Look at the ball. How many freaks you get in here?
I bet you sit yours right there on that ball. Sit on the ball, baby.
Sit on the ball. Keep it wet, baby.
- Smack! - Hey!
- Smack it! Smack it! - Hey!
- Just do your thing and go, bro. - Yeah, all right, player.
All right. Look here. Now you keep the door closed...
...and give this shit a full hour before anybody steps in here, all right?
Damn.
You're clear. - Let's do it.
All right.
- You're crazy. - I'm a father.
Blow it. Daria, get ready to move.
What was that?
"Sometimes you just need an old friend?"
- It came from the office. - Watch her. Don't let her leave.
- They're not here? - They're here.
- They're just somewhere else. - What are you talking about?
- He stashed them here somewhere. - What the hell we gonna do?
Everybody just go. But, T, what about you, man?
I gotta save Vanessa. I gotta find them!
- I'm not leaving you. - Yes, you are. Now go!
Right here. Hurry up. Come on. - Oh, shit.
Come on, dog. They're right outside.
Shut the fuck up and get out of here!
You know, I got the big one.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
Keep it in your pants.
Who's in there?
Hey, Fait.
You're raw.
- What you want? - Ah.
- Yeah! Move away from him.
Nice cubic. Yours are real. Not. I told you this was gonna take a while.
I was thinking about those diamonds so I made a few calls.
My Defense Department connection called me back and he tells me...
...about this rumor out of Taiwan about these stones. Only they're not jewels.
- Pretty beat up. - Fell down the stairs.
Enjoy the jail sex, Fait.
7 advances, 11's out! Next up, 8 versus 12!
8 versus 12!
Fighters report to the cage!
Let's go.
We're still here, T.
Got anything you want us to do?
- Nothing yet. - What?
Nothing. Nothing.
Unofficial entry number 12!
- Unofficial entry number 12! - Hey, 12's right here!
Kind of small, ain't he?
Let's go, chickenshit.
You're the chickenshit, buddy!
Not today.
I know this wasn't the plan, but if you don't get in and fight...
...they'll throw us out and we'll never find this guy.
- Sorry. - Just find the ring.
- Hey. Two grand on the white guy. - You got it, Archie.
Let's go! Come on!
Are you ready? Are you ready?
You win.
- You suck. - Shit.
No quitting! Get your ass back in there!
Put me down! Goddamn! Come on!
- Put me down or I'll kick your ass, Bruce! - I'm not Bruce.
Come on. Get up. Get out of here. Get out of here.
Kick his ass!
Come on! Kick his ass!
Kick him. Take him down.
Okay. He's all patched up. - Ready to move.
Let's go.
Get the car. Stay close.
Hey! That guy's got my fucking quad!
I'm gonna get that motherfucker!
Hey! Wait!
- Five grand on the Chinaman. My friend. - Got you.
At this very moment, a man identified as Anthony Fait is leading...
... police on a wild high-speed chase through downtown Los Angeles.
And get this, folks. He's driving an all-terrain vehicle.
Yeah!
Come on! Kick his ass!
Oh, yeah!
Come on. Come on down.
That's the way to get that buck.
Yo. - I'm here.
Aboveground parking garage in Chinatown. Get there.
I know the place.
Hey. Thanks, man.
- Do you like my new ring? - Where is he?
Well, open the door.
Glad I brought my stunner.
All right, bud. You ready for the q and a? Where'd you put the stones?
I ain't selling you shit till I know where the ceiling is.
How much money do you want for the stones?
- Where's my fucking butter? - It's almost ready.
See, I hate foreplay. Fucking warm-up.
A bitch gotta be ready to come off the bench and score some points.
Just take the rock to the motherfucking hoop strong. You dig?
Instead of doing this back-and-forth shit, my idea is you come up with a number.
A very high number. You see, I'm throwing a number so high...
...that when I hear it just... It just gets me off.
And then, bam! Bust a nut, roll over, go to sleep.
You like that?
Yeah, I like that.
Oh, shit!
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
Shit! Okay, okay, okay!
It looks like this garage is where it will end. Police have sealed...
... the building and continue their search inside for the man who...
... led them on what certainly had to be the most extreme chase we've seen.
Don't know why these idiots do it. They never get away, do they?
They don't, and they just endanger innocent citizens in the process.
Here's another car exiting the structure.
Police talking to the driver, inspecting the vehicle.
Well, the police know they have him trapped inside the parking structure.
Knowing cops the way I do, I can say they're PO'd, excuse my language.
And they're not about to let this guy slip through their fingers.
Mr. Chambers is resting. He says not to bother him.
Hey, baby.
Please don't go.
You want me to stay?
Yeah, I need someone to stay and help keep me awake.
Wait a minute.
I know that face.
A lot of men had that look on their face when I got married.
I knew the stones were in there.
He was a tough guy, but when I got close...
...to his nuts he sang like C�line Dion.
How we gonna get them out of there?
That place is always jumping.
Yo, dog, something's not right.
I got the same feeling.
The doorman.
Where is he?
Everybody stay put.
- Sorry. - Watch my nuts, all right?
No Chambers' guys.
Something's wrong.
This guy looks better dead.
He said they were here in the fountain.
Where are they?
This can't be fucking happening. They have to be here!
That's it? One stone?
- Ling. He has the rest. - How the fuck do you know?
I know.
Okay. He has the stones.
I mean, she can't hurt him. She's just a little girl.
She's only 8 years old. He'll let her go, right? He'll just fucking let her go!
What am I gonna do?
We have to go.
Now.
- We're back in business. Good.
- We don't have to babysit much longer. - I hate kids.
- Is everything else ready? - Just have to test the device.
It's called the Dimaster Oscillator.
Not test. Calibrate. Which I'm now ready to do.
Goggles?
Here you go, man.
Thanks.
Please work. Please work.
Please work.
Daddy, please. Daddy, please.
Please answer, Daddy, answer.
Want me to get that?
- Yeah? - Daddy?
Vanessa?
Daddy, please, come and get me...
...I wanna go home!
Calm down, baby. Calm down. Where are you?
I don't know!
I'm in a van inside a big building.
They painted the windows. I can't look out!
You gotta help me, sweetheart. I have to know where you are.
- I'm scared! I know you are, honey.
Just try to stay calm. Concentrate. Look around. What do you see?
I don't know. I can't see anything.
You gotta try, sweetheart. Try to see something.
I'm going. I'm trying.
I see chairs and green light.
Chairs. Green light.
Where's the light coming from?
I can't tell. There's a machine. It's like a laser show.
- Laser show? - Daddy...
...hurry! I'm scared!
- I wanna go home! - Okay, baby. Calm down.
It's gonna be okay. Daddy's coming!
Daddy?
- Vanessa? - Daddy!
Vanessa?
Vanessa!
Great!
Shit!
- He's doing it here tonight. - Doing what?
Selling the stones. The Thai laser emits green light. He needs it to enrich them.
- To show their power. What are you talking about?
What are these stones?
A new form of synthetic plutonium. Portable, but mega-powerful. Right?
There's a bunch of international scumbags who'd pay a lot of money...
...to get their hands on those. And then, look out world.
Enough of this!
How's it gonna get me back my daughter?
We're operational.
The buyers will want to arrive and leave quickly.
Somewhere private, accessible by aircraft.
Vanessa did say she was inside of a big building.
Could be a hangar.
There's about a dozen little airports around here.
We ain't gonna never get them all.
- Flight plans. Yeah, flight plans.
They gotta list a destination. Every aircraft that takes off...
...has to file one with the Aviation Administration or risk getting shot...
...by the U.S. military. So you get that list...
...and maybe we can find out where the sale's going down.
Daria, call the aviation people. Use our L.A.P.D. credentials.
We need flight info on all aircrafts coming in or going out.
Miles, the no-gun policy is no longer in effect. Break out the heat.
Everybody else, get ready to move. Tommy, create a diversion.
I got just the thing if we can fit in it.
Wick Airfield. Five private choppers arriving tonight within minutes.
- Sounds like our best bet. - Better be for Vanessa's sake.
Let's go.
You are the world's foremost arms dealers.
You all know weaponry equals power, and in the world of weaponry...
...nukes rule.
But nuclear material is hard to obtain and difficult to handle.
But what if it weren't?
That's the question that brought you here tonight.
And this is the answer.
A unique, man-made element. In its present state it's completely inert.
Zero radiation...
...zero volatility.
One small fragment easily transformed into a source of immense energy.
More powerful than weapons-grade plutonium 100 times its size.
Goggles on.
So, what the hell does Taiwan gotta do with this?
We developed the stones. They belong to us.
What about the guy you're after? How come you know him so well?
We grew up together. We joined the government at the same time.
Wait a minute. Wait a minute. You were on the same side?
He betrayed us. He killed our team. He tried to kill me too.
If you don't take this motherfucker out, I will.
The stones first, then him.
Creating a highly reactive radioactive isotope...
...requires altering the atomic structure of the original material.
Normally this is accomplished by adding neutrons.
Here, we're using electromagnetic distillation to strip away protons.
In the process, the fragment's potential yield is increasing exponentially.
We're now reaching the yield level of a sidewinder missile.
Enough power to take out a tank.
A Tomahawk cruise missile, enough to destroy a building.
Scud.
That's a few city blocks gone.
Hiroshima.
Two Hiroshimas.
New world order.
The purpose of today's sale is to begin trading...
...a new commodity on the black market and to determine its value.
There are 50 stones available in the first sale.
And the opening bid is $200,000 per stone.
Bids, please.
I'll bid one million for five stones.
- I'll bid 1.2 million for five stones. - 1.5 for five stones.
1.7 million for five stones. 2 million.
5 million for six stones! 5.2!
- 5.7 for six! - Sold.
- Seven million for 10 stones! 8.5 for 10!
Miles, what do you see?
We got five choppers.
Two armed sentries.
Checking the perimeter.
Perimeter is clear.
I'm moving inside. They're still doing the deal.
There's a camper there.
- And the windows is painted out. - Vanessa said she was in a van.
Can't see out. It's gotta be it!
Once we get her, you two disappear fast.
I'll keep her safe.
- 8.7 million for 10 stones! - 9 million for 10 stones!
- 9.8 for 10. - 10 million for 10 stones!
- Sold! There are 37 stones. - 16 million!
Miles! Hit them!
Done.
Tommy and Archie, watch the van. Punch it!
- 24.5 for 15! - 24 and three quarters...
25 for 15!
Freeze, motherfuckers!
I knew it.
You heard the man. Party's over!
I knew it. - Just be cool.
Fucking amateurs.
Come on, man, just be cool!
I said, don't move, motherfucker!
She's out! She's out! She's on the move.
Another time.
There's a guy after her. - Stay right here. I'll go get her.
- Holy shit! - Come to Papa!
Shit! That motherfucker's shooting!
- What do we do? - Shoot him!
Easy for you to say!
You do him.
Don't let him get away!
Oh, shit! Shit! Archie, I'm out of ammo!
- Fire the M-60! - Get me closer!
Give me that!
How many times do we have to kill you?
Get him! I got this.
Go! Go!
- Go! - All right!
- What happened? - I don't know!
We're out of balance!
Retract the landing gear! Do it! Do it now!
Shoot him down!
Shit! I'm out of ammo! What now?
Shoot him down!
- Load the cannon. - How?
- Put the giant bullet into the hole! - Oh, shit.
Oh, shit!
- There he is! There he is! I got him! - Archie, shoot this motherfucker!
We're hit!
- Hey! Hey! - You shot him in the ass!
We got it!
Shit!
Time to end this my way.
- Let her go! - Let go! Daddy!
Daddy!
Damn! No shot.
You were lucky last time.
You won't be lucky again.
Daddy!
Come on, baby. Come on.
Wrong kid!
Definitely the wrong father!
- My baby! - Daddy, I knew you'd find me!
So glad the angels kept you safe.
Another one?
You know it.
Never gonna let you go. Ever.
Guess we both got what we wanted.
So, what happens to the stones now?
They'll be destroyed.
Guess I'll be spending some time in jail.
Jail?
Come on, man. He just saved the planet, man. Can't he at least get probation?
I'll do what I can.
- Thanks. Great.
Because we make a hell of a team, am I right? Except for you.
You're law enforcement. But we gotta stick together.
And a white guy comes in handy.
You wanna rip off a country club, or somebody needs to hail a cab. Right?
- So, what percentage are we talking? - None.
That low, huh?
It's about time I got my shit together.
- About time we all did. - I'm with you, T.
Come on, buddy, it's just getting fun.
Well, I mean, you know, it's not that fun...
- Good luck. - Thank you.
Faith.
So you guys are all just gonna up and go straight?
Yeah. You ought to try it yourself, man.
I could do it. I've had straight jobs. Have you?
- I've had plenty of straight jobs. - Really? Name one.
I sold Avon.
- You were an Avon lady? - I was an Avon man. All right?
- You got a problem with that? - No, it's fair.
- Why you looking at me like that? - It's okay.
All right. All right.
I'm just fucking with you. But my mama sold Avon. Don't be disrespecting her.
- I know her. Remember the party? - She whipped your ass.
No, she sucker-punched me.
That ain't the first time you been sucker-punched by a big woman.
You know, I think I got kind of a fetish.
Did you just say my mama had a fat ass?
No, I said I have a kind of a fetish for big women.
- Oh. But she do got a fat ass though. - Yeah, she does have a fat ass.
You can see it when she's sitting on your head.
I've seen it. I had to rub that ass naked when I was a teenager.
You know, you look a lot like her. Except her hair is different.
Yeah. I shave my beard, she keeps hers growing.
- Yeah. You know what? - What?
I'm gonna write a movie about the shit we got through. I've been taking notes.
It's gonna make a lot of money. I'm calling it Sidekicks.
We're the real stars of this. We shot down the damn helicopter.
- Who's playing you? - I've been thinking about that.
I thought Arnold Schwarzenegger, then I saw him at the gas station...
- Midget. - He's like 5'6".
- Midget. - Got a terrible lisp.
So I'll go with Mel Gibson. We have similar features.
Right. I see the forehead.
- Yeah. And you? Guess. - Denzel!
Denzel!
- You noticed I've been cutting it down. - And he's been beefing up.
- I try to get down to Denzel's weight. - Know who'll be your girlfriend? Oprah.
- Big Oprah or little Oprah? - Medium Oprah.
That's the one I like. The eyes are straight.
- This is about reality. - Right. Realism.
- Yeah. So you know who's my girlfriend? - Who?
Halle Berry. And let me tell you why. It'll add a whole different element.
This is an interracial couple. She's never done that before.
- Uh-huh. - Also, Fait.
I've been thinking about that a lot. I'll go with Shaquille O'Neal.
The most dominating player ever in the NBA. You saw Kazaam.
- Right - It wasn't the right material.
He's gonna kill with this stuff. And Su, I've been thinking about him.
- Remember the movie Sixteen Candles? - Yeah.
- Who am I thinking about? - Molly Ringwald?
- No, the Donger! - Oh! Okay!
How funny was that guy? What happened to him?
- He waiting tables someplace. - He was funny!
- Yeah, he was. Hey, Daria. - Daria? Who you got?
- Winona Ryder. - Yeah, she's good. She'd be good.
- Yeah, she's good. - She'd play a thief.
She'd play a thief. She a good actress. The whole elbow thing.
Remember when she's going to court and hit the one elbow, broke that elbow.
- Electricity went through her body. - She's a ventriloquist with the elbows.
Now who do we get to direct this thing?
You know what?
We should get the dude that directed Romeo Must Die and Exit Wounds.
- The director, the Pole, Polack. - The Polack?
Yeah, we'll get him in there. Exit Wounds, did you see that?
- I saw that. - The best part...
- The end. - The very end.
- Over the credits. The rest sucked. - Can't have the movie without the end.
- There's no movie. - Whatever happened with those guys?
I heard they're gay.
Yeah, of course. Hollywood.
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